Circle of Influence

Explore the ways your ancestors were influenced by family, friends, associates, choices, and more.

I was researching some genealogy for a friend and stumbled upon some family secrets and things not known by the current generation but likely known and whispered about by prior generations. What I discovered helped me better understand my friend and his family on a deeper level. It explained things I’d heard in passing or stories about certain events.

These secrets and discoveries, all documented in the Chicago newspapers opened up pandora’s box of stuff for my friend and his siblings. Perhaps the biggest questions that arose centered around, ‘Who am I now that I know this? Who really was my father and who really was my mother, know that I know this? How did these stories about their parents and attached family and friends influence who our family became? How can I not take on all the pain they felt, as my own? How much of this am I carrying? Did this impact the way my parents functioned as parents in positive and negative ways? Can I identify what we believed, how we behaved, what secrets we kept, and what patterns we kept repeating? How can I better understand my father if I get to know his father through historical records?’

These questions and those like them are not new to me. I’ve asked them to myself. I’ve heard similar questions from my military research clients who come to me seeking answers about their father or mother, grandfather or uncle, and sometimes siblings, military combat experiences. Many experienced or grew up in a household where the veteran didn’t have the tools to process fully and cope with his experience. As a result there may have been abuse, alcoholism, emotional or physical abandonment, secrets, anger and rage, and perhaps early death.

As we research to find answers, the questions become, how do we process the information we discover about our family members and ancestors? How do we come to terms with who our family members are now that we are armed with this new information? Are we able to forgive through understanding more about their life, choices, and how they grew up? Are we able to more easily identify our own triggers that we carry because of inherited trauma? Are we more able to easily allow the patterns, beliefs, behaviors, and traumas to surface, look at them, process, integrate and heal?

So what do we do with the questions and the answers we discover through research, family conversations, and exploring the depths of our soul? That depends on your goals.

I am an intuitive, empath, medium, healer, researcher, speaker, teacher….there are so many labels you could place on me. Basically though, I strive to understand myself, heal the past, and create a better future for myself, my family, and the world. This requires that I learn who my ancestors were. It requires that I learn about my parents’ lives, how they were raised, their traums, beliefs, behaviors, and patterns. It requires me to be honest about the energies, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors I bring to our relationships because everything that is “wrong” isn’t all their fault.

Seeking to better know myself, do my own healing work, and understand my family better, I have done a tremendous amount of genealogical and military research. I have swum the depths of my soul, past lives, family patterns and traumas, to heal what triggers or annoys me. And I’m constantly looking for new ways and tools to do this work for myself and to help others.

The photo above consists of many of my Holik, Brouk, Schubert, Rataj, and other family members in the Chicago area in 1927. It’s not quite clear how all these families met in Chicago but I know they lived near one another and attended the Czech Sokol. Each of these individuals has a story. My grandparents, Joseph Holik and Libbie Brouk (married in 1930) are in this photo. They were already dating prior to 1927 based on photos I have. Their lives, stories, experiences, and traumas have impacted my life in positive and negative ways. I took on their pain, unknowingly at first, and when I was able to identify it, I began to work with energy healing modalities, writing, inner child work, chakra work, and more, to heal myself and my lineage.

One big thing I discovered through this exploration was that we are influenced by those we live with, marry, associate with, or have other types of relationships with through work, school, religion, etc. We are not an island. So who did my family associate with? What did they learn, both positive and negative, from these people? What traumas did they face? What blessings and amazing events did they share? What did I inherit from them and how has that affected my ability to create the life I choose? I’ve been amazed at the answers.

Exploration Leads to Teaching and Healing

I’m teaching a new course, Circle of Influence. Using Genealogy & FAN to Identify Family Patterns and Trauma. In this course I help people identify some of what is being discussed in this article. I introduce a tool known by most genealogists, called the FAN. Friends, Associates, Neighbors. This was created by Elizabeth Shown Mills to help people identify if the “John Smith” in the records was their “John Smith”. I use this concept in a different way.

Imagine you draw a circle in the center of a piece of paper and write your name or that of an ancestor you want to get to know on a deeper level. Then around that circle you list people, places, events, and things, that influenced their life and choices. Then you start expanding on that in another layer. What might you uncover? How does shifting your perspective and using paper and pen to draw and write stuff out help you form new questions, new awarenesses, find answers, and release the past and heal?

I’ve been playing with this for about 9 months to explore not only my friend’s family but also my own. I even bought a sketch pad and markers so I could more easily “play with color and shape” to see what’s hidden in my family stories, the genealogical and militay records and even my own soul. I’ve learned a lot and of course, it has pushed me to do deeper research or different research to find answers. It has changed my life.

When we shift perspectives, try new approaches and use tools in a new way, it’s amazing what we can discover.

What are the things and who are the people, what are the experiences and choices that shaped your life? Shaped your ancestors’ lives - which then ultimately trickled down through the generations to you? How have you used this information to create a different life, forgive a family member or yourself, to release something that no longer serves you, or heal? Please share in the comments below.