Diaries and Journals May Save & Change a Life
Exploring ancestral triggers and energies and healing.
Lost and confused, Allison feels her heart race and beat heavily outside of her body. Her breathing has become shallow as nausea fills her stomach threatening to erupt. The low hum of a headache begins and a feeling of being closed in emerges. The adrenaline flows and her body goes into fight and flight mode. ‘I have to get out of here!’ she thinks, but there is nowhere to run.
Allison isn’t having a panic or anxiety attack. She’s experiencing a trigger related to some thought, person, or experience in that moment. What she doesn’t realize is that this violent (and often scary) emergence of energy really has nothing to do with her. She’s only the conduit for feeling, seeing, and healing. This energy and pain actually belonged to her grandmother.
Ancestral Healing. I Wish There Was a Guidebook.
When we step on our personal and ancestral healing path consciously, no one gives us a guidebook for the journey. Sure we may have a spiritual mentor who plants seeds or passes information now and then. We might start reading spiritual books, taking classes, listening to podcasts, and working with energy healers to gain more knowledge. But there is so much that can happen as we begin to heal that no one person, book, or podcast can tell us all we need to know. Plus, until we are energetically ready, most of the information will go in one ear and out the other.
No one told me about triggers when I consciously stepped on my path. Looking back to 2010 moving forward, I realize now that I was being triggered and having these experiences, but mildly. It wasn’t until my first trip to Europe in April 2015 that I began having more violent trigger experiences. The first year of those, thankfully there weren’t that many episodes, as many old toxic, traumatic, painful, sexual, abusive, torturous, negative patterns were surfacing, I had no idea what to do or why I was experiencing all of this.
One solution I chose was to educate myself more on what my ancestors experienced in life and I dove deep into daily consistent energy work. This included working with energy healers almost weekly for the year 2016. I worked with healers less often after that but made sure I was routinely taking care of myself and shedding old beliefs, behaviors, programs, and patterns.
Something I wish I’d had access to, even from one ancestor, specifically a female ancestor, was a diary or journal or something that told me more about her daily life, traumas, fears, dreams, and experiences. This was especially true when I realized I was living my grandparents, Joseph and Libbie Holik’s WWII trauma, unfinished business, dreams, and PTSD.
How Diaries & Journals May Save & Change a Life.
It took me more than 25 years to really start making peace with my grandpa Joseph’s WWII experience, trauma, and the aftermath. His life was a big family secret. A lot of shame, anger, guilt, grief and other complex emotions surrounded his war experience and his life after.
It wasn’t until Christmas Eve 2019 that I even realized I was living out his life with my grandma Libbie, through my marriage with Johan, the Dutch man who lived near Amsterdam. That day also made me realize I had been experiencing my own trauma and PTSD due to past life experiences but also through my ancestors unprocessed and undigested emotions and experience. Specifically at that time, Libbie’s PTSD.
You might wonder how it is possible we live someone else’s PTSD. Well, everything is energy and that is one way in which we experience our ancestors’ baggage. We also carry the unprocessed and unintegrated experiences, patterns, and traumas from out ancestors passed down through our DNA. Many studies have been done on this through mice and Holocaust survivors and their descendants, proving we carry our ancestors traumas and patterns.
Through my marriage to Johan and the work I was doing then in military research and healing, I was triggered a lot. Johan was my greatest soul teacher in this life so far and he both purposely because of who he was and through our soul contract, brought up a lot I came here to heal in this lifetime. The PTSD I was experiencing around his life, illness, slow death, living together and apart, and everything else that happened, was in part mine but also my grandmother’s. She had similar experiences with my grandfather. I was here to heal it all.
Since 2010, and particularly after 2012 when I got divorced and moved out with my boys, I journaled daily. I spoke to my grandma Libbie in some journals because I was already seeing some of our similarities. My intuition told me there was still more to discover. Sometimes she would channel through and talk to me. I have it all documented.
I wish Libbie would have kept a journal or diary or something. I would love to know what she experienced and how she really felt before, during and after WWII. I would love to know what her relationship with my grandfather, prior to the war, was like. I would have liked to better understood her pain, the choices she had to make as a ‘married but single mother’ after the war, raising four boys alone. Yes her parents ended up living with her and she had their support prior to that, but her husband was gone.
Knowing even a fraction of her experiences may have helped me heal in a different way. Her words may have helped me see her from a different perspective or better understand who she was. Perhaps not have such violent triggering episodes at times. Or helped me find different energy healers or teachers to help me level up on my spiritual journey.
Do I Save My Journals or Burn Them?
I have kept a diary since I was a pre-teen. As I got older they transformed into journals in which I kept my fears, things that were happening, travel experiences, triggers, questions, dreams, and things I was working through. After starting a relationship with Johan in 2016 and experiencing so many triggers, I was journaling daily, many things I’m not sure anyone else would understand.
I have wondered if my boys ever read my journals, what will they think? They already tell me I’m crazy because I believe different things than they do. Things they can’t fathom (yet). But I know I, as well as all three of my boys, came here in this life to end ancestral patterns, beliefs, and behaviors, and create something greater. Intuitively I know if they read my journals, they will come to learn more about who I was, why I made certain choices or took risks. Why I chose to create that life in Europe as I lived between two continents, raised my boys, grew my business, and underwent massive healing. They may understand why I was so tired for so many years. Or they may really think mom was totally cuckoo and should have been locked up. Who knows.
At dinner a couple years ago, I did ask them if I should burn my journals or keep them. One of my sons told me to keep them because he might want to read them when he’s older. So for now I will keep them. Who knows, if one or all of my boys read the journals or even parts of them, they may heal in ways they never imagined and create a massive life change. It might even help them get through some difficult and painful times. Those journals might save their lives.
What do you think? Do you journal? Do you think our words can save the lives or change them for future generations?
Join the discussion on Wednesday evenings during the free Ancestral Code Community Gatherings on Zoom. Registration is required each week.
Two Journals To Assist Your Ancestral Connection & Genealogical Research
Ancestral Codes 90-Day Journal. Available in Paperback
This 276-page journal was created with the intention to help you identify the unique ways your ancestors and guides communicate with you each day. Ancestral Codes 90-Day Journal Includes:
3-pages per day of journaling prompts & space to record thoughts & ancestral messages
Explanation of how to use the Ancestral Codes Journal
Daily energy check-in
Daily ancestral communication check-in
Ancestral Messages 60-Day Journal. Available in Paperback
This 246-page journal includes everything you need to deepen your connection to your ancestors through your genealogical research. This journal was created with the intention to help you identify the unique ways your ancestors and guides communicate with you as you research your family tree.
Ancestral Messages 60-Day Journal Includes:
60 Days of Journaling. 4-journaling pages per day.
Explanation of how to use the Ancestral Messages Journal.
Writing Prompts to help you connect with your ancestors and learn more about your family history.
Space to record your genealogical finds, questions, and next steps.