Give Yourself Permission
Live your life according to your needs, soul mission, and joy
Did you know you actually don’t need anyone’s permission to create the life you choose to live? You don’t even need anyone’s permission to research your family and dive into the healing of generational beliefs, behaviors, patterns, and traumas.
Not even your parent’s permission.
Did you know you are allowed to create your own relationship with your living and dead family members, regardless of the stories you’ve heard, family rifts that exist, or the family grudges that are held?
Shocking right?
In the 3D World, humans seem to require permission to do almost everything. This has been programmed into us and began when we were young. First we required parental permission. Then permission through systems of education, religion, government, and so many other areas of life. We grow up believing on an unconscious level that we need permission to create our lives or do basically anything.
Not true. Humanity is shifting consciousness and we are rising out of the 3D reality into a space where we heal and more is possible to fully create and enjoy our lives. Let’s get into it.
Heal Your Generational Patterns and Traumas
All families carry generational beliefs, behaviors, patterns, and traumas, many of which are unspoken. They also carry a lot of secrets. We just learn by observing our families and usually never question WHY we actually believe or do something. Well, not until something triggers us to question.
I used to think I needed my parents’ permission to do the deeper dive into our family history. Like most families, there are energies of shame, guilt, fear (so much fear), anger, hate, grief, and other low vibrational energies fueling the stories and secrets. However, that all shifted about 10 years ago when I started having what some would call panic attacks. In reality these were my soul triggering me to finally investigate or face something that was blocking me from creating a bigger more vibrant life, finding love, and carrying out my soul mission.
Those triggers scared the hell out of me. Thankfully they didn’t come often but when they did it forced a deep dive into myself to look at what was happening. That led to a deeper investigation of my ancestors and especially my Holik grandparents and the trauma they suffered from World War II. It took me a few years after those first triggering attacks to realize I was living out their trauma in the marriage to my late Dutch husband and in many other ways.
This realization in a sense forced me to confront the secrets, the lies, and the truth about my grandparents’ experience and begin to heal layers of my soul. This in turn healed my ancestors, especially my grandparents who were on the other side.
I didn’t ask for permission. I didn’t need it. I did the deep soul work and came out the other side after each layer of healing a new version of me. A higher vibrational version of me. A happier version. One who was less afraid to live fully my soul mission and help the world as we transition through these seemingly chaotic times.
You don’t need anyone else’s permission to do your soul’s healing work. It takes courage. And maybe permission from YOU to make the time and create the space to do this healing work.
Create Your Own Relationships with the Ancestors
Just because your mom or dad couldn’t stand or hated their parent(s) doesn’t mean you have to. Just because you heard a story about something that took place between a parent and their sibling(s) which created a rift, doesn’t mean you have to continue living in that energy. You are allowed to create your own relationship with the living and the dead.
As we get to know our living and dead family members, we tend to assign specific Identities to them based on what we know at the age we assign the identity. The more we learn about a family member or ancestor, those identities unconsciously or sometiems consciously shift.
The identities I assigned my Holik grandparents, Libbie and Joseph, changed multiple times based on things I learned by researching the family and military history. Joseph died in 1964, nine years before I was born. My dad was their bonus child after the war but he grew up barely knowing his father since grandpa was placed in the VA Hospital before daddy was born. My father’s experience with his father took place at outside visits at the VA and from the little he’s told me, they were scary to him as a little boy. My dad basically grew up without a father.
My grandma had to hold the family together with the help of her widowed mother. Together, they finished raising the older three boys and my dad. One of the older brothers, Richard, would later take over as man of the house and kind of rule the roost as King, who allegedly knew everything (which made you the stupid one). This is just who he was for all the reasons he was and that’s ok. But it seemed to make my grandma “small, quiet and insignificant.” At least that’s the energy I perceived about her for a long time.
When I started researching my family history 30 years ago, I interviewed my grandma and got basic details. Of course, she died in 2001 just before the 1930 Census was released which led to a lot of questions. Questions I would never have answers for from her. One included - would you have married grandpa had his father not died? Or would you have married him later? What was the plan?
When I had three boys of my own, how I viewed grandma began to shift. I started writing and talking to her on the other side when I divorced the boys’ father and was living with them alone. The identity I originally assigned her changed to one of strength, quiet power, love, resilience. She raised four boys on her own during and after the war and still managed to later travel and have a full life.
Then in 2019 when I created my first genogram and realized I was living my grandparent’s war trauma, unfinished business, and lives with my late Dutch husband, the shift to heal intensified. As we are now almost in mid-2025, I’m still healing layers of this and I’m writing our story for my next book.
In the beginning of all this research, the family wouldn’t talk about grandpa or the fact he was diagnosed with schizophrenia when the Navy Honorably Discharged him. It must have been so shameful to the family, there must have been such grief, anger, and sadness that it had to be locked away. Lied about. Grandpa was a little crazy because of x, y, and z during the war. Yet x, y, and z NEVER happened to him according to the military records I’ve obtained over the years.
For a long time I was afraid of being disowned if I dove too deep. Shared what I found, which I knew in my soul would help others. Then by 2019 I said enough of that - I’m going to research, heal, and share. I gave myself permission to move forward rather than stay stuck in energies and lies that were not serving me. Too many stories of war have been held in silence and none of us are better for that fact.
Give Yourself Permission
This has been something I’ve been trying to flow more with the last month. Somehow life got too busy, crazy, out of control the last couple years and it took a toll on me. The things my heart and soul were whispering I should be doing were drowned out by all the outside noise.
Just as we are allowed to give ourselves permission to research, heal, create the life we choose, we also need to give ourselves permission to make space and time to do the creative things, fun things, travel, rest, integrate the energies hitting us to upgrade us out of 3D, and to go after our dreams!
I gave myself permission…
As I flow now, I’m balancing more of work, creative time (I’m painting now), writing my own book, exercising and hiking, and creating a more beautiful relationship with my guy and kids. I feel more relaxed even as the energies intensify. Even as I shed old patterns and have to feel the pain of the past. I’m in my flow.
Humanity is moving toward the 5D reality where life will be easier. Abundance, health, healing, joy, fun, and so much more await us. To get there we have to do our inner work. Give yourself permission to do the deep work and heal. Permission to create the life YOU want. As you heal, it ripples out to your ancestors, descendants, and all of humanity. Everyone benefits.
Your soul is calling - are you listening?