As you explore your family’s history, whether through stories, genealogical or military records, how many perspectives are you obtaining? New researchers tend to skim the surface of stories and record gathering, content to add people and facts to their family tree. Seasoned researchers and soul travelers tend to go deeper into the stories, experiences, records, and histories of their ancestors and themselves. The deeper we go, the more we can identify beliefs, behaviors, and patterns that are holding us back, keeping us stuck, or creating repeating chaos in our lives.

Perspectives in Military Research

One question I hear from research clients and others researching their ancestor's military service is, 'How do I know which account of the battle is correct?'

My answer is always, 'It depends on which perspective of the battle you are reading or hearing.'

Does that make sense? If not, let's look at it this way. Men are departing landing craft to storm the beaches of Normandy on 6 June 1944 as bullets and artillery scream through the air. Each man is moving toward the beach and safety and their focus is to hit the beach alive. Their attention and focus may be in front of them or the right or left. Not everyone is looking at the same point on the beach as they make their way to safety.

When the men who survived the landing gather with their leaders and provide an account of the landing, you will hear different stories and perspectives. There may be some overlap but possibly not a lot. Which stories are correct? All are actually because they are all based on the experience and perspective of the man explaining how he got from the landing craft to the beach and to safety. As you read these accounts or hear your own veteran’s stories, you will need to consider this as you weave the accounts into your family or military history narrative.

Perspectives in Family Stories, Ancestral Traumas, & Our Experiences

The same idea applies to our family history stories, ancestral patterns and traumas, and our own personal experiences. The lens through which we view the information we gather or receive, affects how we process what is learned, and what we do next. As we continue gathering information or shifting out of old patterns and ancestral trauma energy, our perspective on an event or ancestor may change. Let me explain….

When I was a “baby genealogist” in 1996, just starting my research, my uncle told me fantastical stories about my Grandpa Joseph’s WWII Navy experience, as a way to explain why he live the rest of his life post-war in a VA hospital. These stories were interesting and I wrote them down to dive into later.

Years later when I began researching my World War I and World War II ancestors who died in war, and my grandpa’s history, I became angry. I realized he chose to enlist in the Navy and leave my Grandma Libbie home with three boys to go off and fight. Now, in all reality I logically knew he was going to be called to serve, but I was still angry. Additionally, I was irritated not one person in my family would talk about Grandpa and explain what happened to him.

Libbie & Joseph with three of their boys, 1944.

When I finally obtained Joseph’s Navy files, I learned what really happened to him and all the family stories became lies. My perspective of who grandpa was changed. Reading the medical portion of his service file, I understood his mental state and why he ended up in the VA hospital. I understood he was going to have to go fight at age 37 no matter what so he chose to enlist in the Navy. Knowing these details allowed me to move beyond anger and irritation that no one would tell me the truth about grandpa, to understanding what's behind the unwillingness to talk about him. The family has carried a tremendous amount of pain, shame, guilt, and grief attached to grandpa’s WWII story.

When Perspectives Become Shocking

The experience of war affects not only those who serve but those left at home to pick up the pieces and hold the family together. Grandpa’s story made me curious about what my grandma experienced when he was away serving. What did she feel? How did she raise the three boys (my dad was a bonus when grandpa came home from war) and work and take care of everything while I’m sure, worrying whether grandpa would live or die?

The perspective I had on grandma, grandpa, and their life together shocked and rocked me to my core in December 2019 when I used a genogram to explore family patterns. Through that tool I realized the life I was living with my then (now late) Dutch husband near Amsterdam, was shocking similar to the life my grandparent’s led. I was slightly devastated to learn I was carrying my grandma’s PTSD, grief, unfulfilled dreams and wishes, and pain.

This knowledge changed how I viewed their lives and my own. I realized I was caught in a toxic and trauma-filled marriage, a pattern I had lived before in this life. That day, everything changed for me and I promised myself I would do whatever it took to heal the trauma of the past so I could be free and live a more love-filled, abundant, non-toxic life. More on that experience in future articles…….

We need different perspectives and to view the lives of our ancestors through other lenses. We need to allow ourselves time to process each piece of new information and layer of perspective. When we take this time, great healing can happen for our ancestors and ourselves.

I invite you to be patient as you move through the layers and perspectives. This can take time. Sometimes months or years. Healing is like peeling an onion. We go one layer at a time so our energy systems and bodies will not be overwhelmed. Be patient with yourself and have grace.

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How Many Perspectives Are You Gathering?